Re-Makes and “Improvements”?
I have been a gamer for years, and during the dark days when Sonic ruled the industry I turned to the solace of PC games. (Yes, I most certainly did suck at maneuvering said hedgehog). One of my favorite games for probably two years straight was a Lemmings-style scroller game called “Humans”, in which you carefully navigated from your start point - with one to a handful of other Neanderthal folk - to an evolutionary exit either on the opposite side of the screen, or several scrolls up. You had to face dangers such as opposing witch doctors, giant dinosaurs, and inability to fall pretty much at all; to succeed a certain number of tribesmen had to make it to the exit with you. It was immensely satisfying, in the way only a Lemmings-puzzle game can be. The day I lost the keycode to the game was a pretty crummy one, and I held onto the gamebox for a good year before accepting that the code, and thus my access to the game, was lost forever.
Lo and behold, today I discover a remake has been done! Even better, it’s supposed to be released on the DS! Eeep! But then I look at the screen shots and… well, what the heck guys. It seems that the little humans look even more like Lemmings than ever, and the colors seem horrifically bright and more cartoony than I recall. Perhaps it’s just memory painting a different picture than reality…
So, I was not yet too disappointed - I turned to my trusty Wikipedia to get more info. But the additional info is somewhat annoying - now there are more than just tribesmen, but also “characters” such as the Boy, Girl and Woman. Seriously? Are we so in need of PC conformity that having all the tribe people appear to be dudes requires squandering development money on making these characters, instead of improving color in the actual game? Ugh.
I won’t be running out to the store the day of release for this game, but probably waiting until it ends up in the used bin at Ye Olde Game Store. But secretly… I’m holding out hope that it’s as awesome as I remember.
Seepy Time!
Street Fighter IV review
Okay so, I have let a week pass before I wrote this review. So let that gauge for you how very pissed I am at this game.
Let’s get the good out first. I really dig the art direction, even Chun-Li’s freaky thigh dimensions. I have seen the web flames left and right from the camps of pro thigh, and anti thigh, I have no real opinion. Let it be known I have no ire towards Chinese martial artist thighs.
My real gripe is in the game mechanics itself. I am no bad hand at the street fighter franchise, having played every single iteration of the effing thing. Even the puzzle fighter, both its broken and fixed versions. Now I tell you my friends that this latest game is indeed broken. I expect defeats from the CPU but freakin wow, does the AI have a penchant for opposition buggery. Sans lube.
I remember the days of yore playing the single player and yes the AI was fuckered but it at least gave you a chance. You played through got to a opponent with a move of total cheese, figured out the counter to the cheese and went on. The latest game has cheese of a different flavor, unstoppable cheese. Hear me out, because I am not just crying foul on not beating a particular guy, though the fat blonde anti Ken character has to seriously go. (Whatever Art Director that thought he was a awesome character needs to have his ass removed. With a chainsaw.) The matches go sweet for the first three guys, then on the fourth the AI decides he’s through humoring you and womps the living shit out of you. Leaving you broken and weeping “Why, Why?”, like some digital Nancy Kerrigan. It’s not just the toon in question either. Trust me I tried. 32 consecutive goes at multi player and all the same result, three straight painfully easy victories and then number four comes in and has his way with me. My blood pressure spikes cannot even be good for me, nor the violent feelings this game invokes. I heartily recommend this game for budding mass murderers that can’t seem to get their killing spree started. Play fifteen minutes of this game and you’ll be happily offing people you don’t know without a single twinge of conscience. Seriously.
Besides the painful parts above the game is ok. Word of note, DO NOT have the “anybody and their brother can challenge me online” feature enabled if you are trying to do a bout of single player shenanigans. You will never start a single match. A hour and a half I sat down to play a single player campaign and never got past the character select screen. Never.
On the multi player aspect the game does better albeit still frustrating. Much like a geek with no money in a bar trying to pick up a date, don’t expect to go looking for a partner and score. Just sit back and let the opponent come to you, taking what you can get. I tried to go searching for an opponent and got kicked from every selected match or my opponent back out. But when I tried to do the above mentioned single player campaign in my “don’t want to play with you anyway” huff, I could not beat off opponents with a stick. And I tried.
The matchmaking is seriously broken. Pitting the newest of fighter virgins against the “I have no life” players that have probably a entire bedroom set in Street Fighter motif, complete with Guile bedsheets. It seriously need reworking. There is a reason why a newb fighter doesn’t stand in the ring with Mike Tyson for his first ever match. No one is seriously that stupid.
So in closing is the game a fighter? Yes. Is it the fighter that was promised? No. Should you buy it? Only if you seriously must complete a collection or are really into self inflicted pain.
Toy Bear
Mass Effect 2
Found a teaser trailer for a sequel to one of my all time favorite games. Check it out!
Watchmen
I never read this comic, but the previews I saw were intriguing, as well as all the online the to-do about it being an “unfilmable” story. If you haven’t seen it then be warned - the film is three hours long so have dinner beforehand.
To review without providing any film spoilers is difficult, but suffice to say that the backstory is mostly provided during the opening credits and through a few mid-film flashbacks in such a way that the whole story is clear and the stage set. The best part, however, is the music - the film is intended to be set in the mid-80s and the songs chosen to convey tone in various scenes is effing perfect. Even the film’s sex scene has the perfect match, as it’s accompanied by Leonard Cohen’s Hallelujah, making the scene somewhat ironic and highly inappropriate. Seriously, I felt a little bit ashamed watching the scene coz of that song.
I was unprepared for the overall tone of the entire film. This is not a happy Hollywood superhero movie - it is dark and depressing and shows the ugly side of people, even those who are “heroes”. But in the end, you can’t even hate the two worst characters, because you see the humanity of them. It’s not fast-paced the way a typical superhero movie is either, being more about the bleak situation of the world and the former-heroes inability to fight it. But, in the end, it’s an incredibly good film that leaves you thinking about it even a few days later.
Watchmen will defintely have a home on the DVD bookshelf when it’s released…
Street Fighter Bajillion
The Bear came home a few nights ago with the new Streetfighter. I don’t really like the art style used in the game - it almost seems as if they decided that they had to do it slightly weird to make it seem new. And is it just me, or has Chun Li’s thighs gotten to be flat-out terrifying in size? My feelings for this game, and the childhood memories it dredged up, can best be summed up by the following:
Dear Street Fighter,
Way to make Ryu unchanged a decade later. Hadoken cheat FOR THE LOSE.Signed,
Chun Li
Although I was accidentally able to do Chun Li’s spinning kick, and eventually mastered the lightning-fast kick, this is not a game I play against a Bear well. Memories spring forth from my youth, in which I leapt up screaming at my little brother and promptly bludgeoned him with my controller for “cheating”. And yes, when you are a Professional Button Masher, knowing the combos for moves is totally cheating.
Finally, I whole-heartedly dislike two of the new characters - the hideously fat guy and the mexican wrestler just look stupid. On the bright side, Blanka looks awesome and Guile’s hair is higher than ever. Having said all that, remember that I’m more fond of RPGs and puzzle games, so wait on Bear’s review before you take any of this to heart.
Monkero, over and out!
Avatar for my Mom.
Ulduar and no more kings…
So many a bet is that the patch 3.1 for World of Warcraft will be put out come this Tuesday. Personally I think it may be a week longer, but I could be wrong given how blizzard has been releasing shoddy patches lately.
In this release will be a new raid dungeon and gear and hopefully a fun time by all. I have purposefully not looked at any of the bajillion PTR videos or pics, I actually want it to be a pleasant sort of discovery. Like I’m playing a game. Lately I have noticed a trend that I think is what personally bothers me about this game. The kind of addiction that makes a player play a beta or PTR and see all the new content, then lose patience at others just because we experience the content for the first time and learn it as we go. Such noobs , I know.
One thing I am glad for is the removal of Blessing of Kings from the pally talent tree. Eff I hated having to have that waste of points (as a talent because I’m Holy) simply because a lot of pally toons never have it. Which I have always wondered as strange, it is such a freaking awesome buff that I don’t see why Prot specced pally’s wouldn’t take it? So now I can have my delicious virtual cake and eat it too. Points freed up on my talent tree to go on something useful like Sanctified Seals. Mmmmm delicious!
Twitter, Felicia Day, and my Saltine addiction…
So Bear has joined the unwashed masses. Well, maybe the semi-washed. You see I’ve broken down and started on Twitter. Monkey has been web stalking with it for days now, Felicia Day is apparently a top five on her list. Gabe from Penny Arcade fame, and a personal fave of the web, is a user too. Though from what I hear you may not want to know what he is doing at all times.
Are these just random links to web personalities or an unconscious spreading of thought, art, and feeling using the web to expand and grow with each blog post. Like some dirty flu virus changing hands from grimy dollar bills passed in everyday commerce. You decide.
I do Love Felicia Day. First her being a very attractive redhead (my very kryptonite) and then having brains on top of it…. well she has a lucky thing that a monkey keeps me on a short leash.
Her work that I have seen so far has been on the order of freaking outstanding. Look into Dr. Horrible’s Sing-Along-Blog. After you recover from a laughter induced injury, I’m sure that I don’t have to tell you of her “The Guild” show. If I do, then for eff’s sake watch it!! I am a gamer bear and a huge geek wrapped up in this sexy body, so I totally love the characters and writing of the show. I have to admit that I really just watch the show for the first few seconds really, the rest is nice, but the beginning has it all. Her characters little monologue by webcam is something special. Like some sort of little hole in the ground that her character spills secrets too so that she doesn’t have to hold them all in. Or something like that. I think it is the great appeal of all bloggers and web people. Besides all the delusions of money and fame.
Oh btw, Monkey and I have discovered the series “Heroes” on our XBL Netflix. Mmmm sweet show addiction. Must have another episode…. Just one more. I can quit anytime. Really.
